


i love you, but not as much as i need you

by blueboyhalo



Category: Video Blogging RPF
Genre: Character Death, Heavy Angst, Hurt No Comfort, Love Confessions, Lowercase, M/M, Mild Blood, Minor Violence, POV Zak Ahmed, Unhappy Ending
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-28
Updated: 2021-02-28
Packaged: 2021-03-12 02:47:43
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,888
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29752911
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/blueboyhalo/pseuds/blueboyhalo
Summary: bad's always been self-sacrificial. he's the kindest, sweetest person that skeppy has ever had the pleasure of meeting, and, well, skeppy doesn't know what the hell he'd do without bad either. bad means everything to him.but he knows one thing:the world needs more people like badboyhalo.
Relationships: Zak Ahmed/Darryl Noveschosch
Comments: 12
Kudos: 39





	i love you, but not as much as i need you

"you're trembling."

skeppy glares at bad. 

"yes, i've realized," he grumbles. "i've gathered that much at the very least."

"c'mon, 'geppy," he sighs. "just make it easy. i know this is hard for you. i know that-- i know this is hard, but you have to do it, skeppy," bad lets out a sharp breath. "come on, you know i couldn't live without you. i can't -- just do it. you have something to live for. college, something, the world is yours."

the world isn't his.

the world is open, dangerous, terrifying. and without bad by his side, the world matters little in the face of that.

"i don't want to do this," skeppy says.

he's said the words a million times. no one cares, bad tries to ignore it, the twisted figure behind all of this is probably laughing at them whenever they are.

_neither can live while the other is alive._

so, this is bad's answer.

"do it. i'm asking you to."

the sword has been handed to him a while ago. it's heavy, and skeppy feels like he's going to collapse from the sheer weight of it all. and while he fidgets with the handle of it, he vaguely senses that he himself is barely handling this situation.

skeppy searches bad's face.

"... i don't have much else to live for other than you," bad whispers, stumbling slightly on the words. there's a hint of something in the words, something that skeppy can't quite name, but it's different, it's---

"i love you."

bad's eyes grow wide.

_"i love you."_ skeppy laughs. "i love you, bad. i love you _so_ much. so that's why i have to do this."

bad's always been self-sacrificial. he's the kindest, sweetest person that skeppy has ever had the pleasure of meeting, and, well, skeppy doesn't know what the hell he'd do without bad either. bad means everything to him. 

but he knows one thing:

the world needs more people like badboyhalo.

the world needs that kindness. the world's been a shitshow for what it's put the both of them through, put everyone through. and with this? with the choice to kill his best friend and leave... the thought is horrid. to kill one good person and to let someone like him live with that guilt on his shoulders....

and in this situation, where one of them needs to die, where skeppy or bad has to make the decision for themselves who gets to live, who gets to die, who gets to live another day---

skeppy knows what he has to do.

bad's also always been a little bit naive, a little bit too trusting, so bad doesn't really see it coming when skeppy takes the sword he was given and lifts it up into the air...

and brings the blade down, piercing through his clothes and _into his own stomach._

the temporary fear in bad's eyes when the blade was in the air is instantly replaced with horror, as he fumbles to catch skeppy as he falls to the floor. in the end, skeppy collapses to the ground anyway, bringing bad along with him.

bad's saying something, frantic, applying pressure to the wound, but it's too late. he gestures towards the sword and skeppy takes the initiative to pull it straight out of the wound instead.

"skeppy...!" bad cries out. "that'll make it worse!"

he just laughs at him.

"how can you _laugh_ right now? you--- you muffinhead..." bad whimpers. "oh my goodness, skeppy, why'd you _do_ that, i _told_ you, just kill _me_ , that would have been less painful than this. i feel like, like, like you've ripped out my heart and stomped it into a million pieces."

skeppy's vision starts to blur, but he can still see bad crouched over him, eyes frantic with questions, looking for answers, solutions, miracles---

but this isn't a game.

there are no miracles.

"bad," skeppy lets out a weak wheeze.

"skeppy," bad responds back, voice wracked with sobs held back only for the sake of his own sanity. skeppy just gives him a soft smile.

"cry," he says under his breath. "cry for me, bad. it's alright. you know that in a world without you, i'd waste away? how could you simply accept that i could raise a blade against you and not torture myself for the _rest_ of time for that decision?"

bad sniffs.

"the world needs..." a cough. "the world needs more people like you, badboyhalo. more people with open hearts, filled with love. more people who can share happiness with other people."

bad just shakes his head. skeppy raises a weak hand, stroking bad's cheek with a simple stroke, almost laughing when he sees the streaks of blood he's left behind.

"the world doesn't need me," he assures him. bad lets out a choked sob. 

"but _i_ need you."

skeppy gives him a look, furrowing his eyebrows.

"i need you," he says softly. " _i_ need you, skeppy. you're-- you're the reason i get up. you make me smile and laugh, and yes, you do these infuriating things but i love you, oh my goodness--" bad sniffs. "i love you, s'geppy."

skeppy licks his lips. 

"skeppy, what am i going to do without you?" bad asks, his voice cracking. he continues, his voice raising in volume. "how am i supposed to walk away from this? watching you die in front of me, in my arms, where--"

skeppy, mustering up every ounce of energy he has left in his body, lifts himself up slightly, wrapping an arm around bad's shoulder and presses a soft kiss to bad's lips.

bad stumbles in surprise, but eventually kisses him back, leaning into the kiss. skeppy's arms wrap around each other behind bad's neck and they stay like that, pressed together in a chaste kiss before skeppy leans back to catch his breath.

bad's face is red, though skeppy can't really tell if it's because of the lack of oxygen from the kiss, or because he was just yelling at skeppy, or if it's because of the blood.

right, the blood.

he's _dying_.

skeppy presses a hand to his wound - he's bleeding out quickly. he can feel his head grow light, unable to focus or concentrate on much of anything except for the man in front of him.

he closes his eyes. it's so tempting to just go to sleep; he's so tired, he could just lay here and get some rest, but bad is still here, he can sense him frantically gesturing and making him stay awake, but it could be so easy to just---

_die_.

"please don't die," bad mumbles into his shoulder. skeppy vaguely realizes that bad is holding up his body in his arms, where they're both cuddling together. he can feel a warm, thick fluid seeping into fabric that he's not sure belongs to him or bad. very slowly, he feels himself losing energy, his breathes getting shorter, his mind becoming fuzzier by the second.

"i'm so glad you're my friend," skeppy mumbles, and he can feel bad tense up slightly. "i don't know what i'd do without you, or who i'd be. i don't ever want to experience a world where i've never met you."

"skeppy?"

"and--" skeppy continues, the words tumbling out of his mouth in a frantic moment of clarity. "and loving you was the best thing that's ever happened to me. and i'm sorry that you had to know like this, but-- i love you."

bad lets out a hitched breath.

"do you love me?" skeppy shakes his head. "wait, wait, don't answer that. i--" he cuts himself off abruptly, thinking about what he's trying to say. "i don't regret anything. i don't regret meeting you, being your friend, loving you, or doing this for you."

bad moves to let skeppy lay on the ground, so skeppy's just looking up at him now. his eyes are red and puffy, and usually skeppy'd just laugh at how silly he looks, but all that happens now is that he gives him a small smile as he feels that oh-so-familiar warmth in his chest.

"i love you too, muffinhead," bad mumbles lowly.

"you do?" 

" _yes_ ," and skeppy just glows with happiness. "yes, of course, skeppy. to hear that, it makes me... so happy," bad sobs out. "so, _so_ happy..."

"really?"

"really." bad sniffs, and then gives him a small smile, but it's pained, which skeppy understands. skeppy wipes away a singular tear. "how am i going to move on from this? love of my life dying in my arms..."

"just stay here, with me," skeppy whispers. "if you stay..."

"of course, i'll stay."

"just--" skeppy's lip trembles. "i don't want to be alone. i don't want to be--" he stops, trying not to cry, because one person sobbing is enough, and there's no time for tears, not right now. 

"i'm here. i'm not going." bad presses his forehead against skeppy's for a moment then kisses him on the nose. "i'd spend the rest of time with you here, forever, if i could. i'd give anything for just another day, just another hour, even."

no one knows how much time they have.

skeppy knows that he doesn't have long, not with this wound. and he wishes he could make bad smile, a real smile. but what can he do? stop time?

time doesn't stop.

it keeps marching on.

"can you sing me a song?" skeppy asks, because singing is fun, and he wants to hear bad sing, one last time. "i wanna hear you sing."

bad just lets out a small laugh. "of course, anything for you."

"you are my sunshine, my only sunshine," bad begins, and skeppy closes his eyes. "you make me happy when skies are gray..."

bad pauses, and skeppy opens his eyes.

bad's crying again, big silent sobs. the tears run down his cheeks again, mostly following the previous tear trails. skeppy just lifts his hand again to rub away the tears, and bad just leans into the touch and sobs harder.

"you'll never know, dear..." bad sings again, but his voice cracks on the last word, and skeppy's heart just about breaks into a million pieces. "how much i love you..."

"bad," skeppy whispers.

"please don't take my sunshine away," bad continues. "please don't take my skeppy away, _not my skeppy, please..."_

hearing bad sob openly in front of him makes everything hurt that much more, and for god's sake, skeppy already has an open wound.

"i'm sorry, for doing this, for being a burden."

bad shushes him. "you're not... you're not a burden. you'll never be a burden, not to me, never." he swallows. "i just wish things were different, that this didn't have to happen, not this way, not this soon..."

"i'm sorry," skeppy mumbles. everything feels fuzzy and unreal. is he even in his body right now? "i'm sorry," he repeats. "i love you, i'm sorry."

"i love you, too." bad mumbles, and apparently he realizes that this is also the last time he'll ever be able to say it to skeppy. "i love you. i love you. i love you," he repeats. "you'll be alright."

"i'll be alright," skeppy echoes. "and you?"

bad pauses.

"bad?"

"... ultimately. yes, i'll be alright."

skeppy just smiles.

... into the air.

there's nothing there.

"i love you, bad."


End file.
